September 23 ~ Mommys Worry ~ Random Thoughts

I never thought that I would be the worrying mommy. I thought that I would remain a level-headed, calm person. WRONG! The instant that I found out that I was pregnant, I began to worry. Would she "stick" and carry to term? Would she be healthy? Would labor be as bad as I thought it would be? Would it be worse?? Could I be a good mother? Could Eric be a good father? What is she had no hair? What is she was full of hair?? How long until the next ultrasound? And on and on...

I, naively, thought that when she was born that it would be over and I wouldn't have to worry as much! Ha! That was just the beginning! As soon as she was born and began to scream (yep, the very first night) with colic, I began to worry more than I'd ever thought possible. I worried about her crying, not crying. I worried about her eating enough, eating too much. I worried about her weight. Most of all, I worried (nearly to the point of obsession) about the risk of SIDS. I would check the thermostat to make sure that the room was a brisk 68 degrees. I would check her crib sheets to make sure that they were snug. Were her pjs too loose? Were they too tight? Would she be sad if she woke up and I wasn't there? I anxiously awaited the six month mark, the time when the risk of SIDS is reduced to almost nothing. When she hit that milestone, I threw myself a mental party! I thought, "Whew, worries over!"

For a smart person, sometimes I can be really dense! Worries . . . not over! Although I do believe that I am beginning to calm down (although don't ask my hubby if he thinks this is true!) I have learned that being a mother is part sheer, blinding love, part exhaustion, and part worry. Now instead of worrying about her survival, I worry about her learning to walk and getting into things not meant for babies. I have locked down everything possible. To go the the bathroom in this house, you have to basically be McGuiver. Jokes aside, I have also learned that to worry is to be a good parent. I know that when My little baby girl is grown and has her own little baby girl, I will worry. I will worry about her and love her. I will even teach her how to lock her toilet!